Who do you turn to when things are tough? Who do you turn to for guidance when times are tough? Do you know someone who will listen to you while also being honest with you? Do you even turn to anyone?
In a culture like this, it seems that the newest book, podcast, or Instagram expert that promises something faster, easier, or somehow “permanent” frequently hijacks our ancient “community” inclination, which is to ask our elders or mentors for help or direction. You’ve probably seen the advertisements.
And if I’ve learned anything from working in this field, it’s that those things are far from the conclusion of the tale. For instance, following the “Five Steps to Getting Over Your Ex” in theory versus completing the effort is extremely different!
When we get beyond merely “knowing” something, though, there is something else we run into that is much, much deeper. The place of felt, integrated, embodied wisdom is this enigmatic, numinous space, where seniors and elderhood typically spend their entire lives. You can only start to properly absorb and process everything you’ve learnt from this embodied area.
The same way you’d hire a knowledgeable guide to climb a mountain or look for a business mentor who understands everything, even failure, I believe that entering this arena requires some assistance. I’m pleased to mention that many of my educational experiences have involved the advice of seniors and mentors. And I continue to seek these folks out as frequently as I can, like any good students of wisdom. I always return with precious gifts when I do.
I want to share with you how to recognize those in your life who exhibit the kind of insight you require in certain circumstances.
Make a list
Examine the individuals in your life who appear to possess wisdom that you may not possess or comprehend. Who is now a part of your network? Second, ask yourself if there is anybody in your life that you might be able to learn anything new from. Start challenging the way you typically classify people.
I’ll give you an example from my own life. One of the first real elders I met was one I’d hired to teach me how to sing when I was in college and honing my voice. He was extremely brilliant, but I had thought of him as “simply” a singing instructor. He changed our lessons into discussions about Buddhism, Jungian psychology, neurolinguistic programming, and a lot of brutal honesty about where I was at and why when I reached my lowest point.
I want to save you the hassle and ask you this right away since in my instance, he violated my preconceived notions of who I thought he was. One might already be in your contact list.
Think about the Crisis
Elders and mentors have a peculiar knack of appearing in your life at precisely the right time. Or perhaps they have been in your life for some time, but their comments will only be heard when they are appropriate for the situation. This generally indicates that when you are going through a significant transformation, it is a good idea to seek out an elder. items like…
switching cities or careers
Relationship rifts (recurring conflicts or sexless marriages, for example)
The 2020–21 Special: going back to work (or abandoning a toxic one)
Death, loss, and grief
Spiritual uncertainty or distress
The combination of what you need to hear and what you’re going through will, in a sense, enable you to notice possible mentors or elders; you do have to look, but you often won’t have to look very far. Similar to how a hungry person is primed to see food.
Recognize that timing is crucial
You don’t always require the assistance of elders. That would be ineffective for them. So when should you ask an elder for assistance? When you sense the call and are aware that you are receptive to that kind of guidance, is the truthful response.
The same is true with mentoring. You can be forced to jump over a barrier in your relationship, business, or personal development. It could be time to seek out a mentor with firsthand knowledge if the problem keeps coming up and seems to be recurring.
Being at ease Not Feeling Comfortable
How do you talk to someone who is an authority figure or mentor? Start by assuming good will. You will probably take a psychological beating from the kind of advice you receive from someone in this position, but it will come from a good place. It is comparable to a storm that dumps rain on a desert.
Second, be direct and concise in your request. My experience is that an older person will also be direct because they no longer feel the need to “beat around the brush.” If they are unable to assist you, they most likely know someone who can.
Finally, we have an odd right to education in Western civilization. We desire to learn in “our manner.” Assume that a genuine elder or mentor won’t give a damn about your comfort level and will instead teach you what you need to learn. I know from personal experience!
Almost usually, the advice you receive from an elder will feel like taking a shower in glacial water. It’s unlikely to calm you down; in fact, it might enrage you. In addition, it will seem like the most sensible counsel you have ever heard.
