Is it true that once a cheater, always a cheater? What the Experts Have to Say
Finding out that your partner has cheated on you or someone else in the past might raise a lot of thoughts and concerns. Is this a sign that they’ll be prone to more infidelity in the future? Is the ancient adage “once a cheater, always a cheater” true?
There is, according to research. According to a 2018 study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, someone who has previously cheated is three times more likely to do it again.
Human behavior, however, is quite complex. People cheat for a variety of reasons, and just because some people become entrenched in their philandering habits doesn’t mean others can’t learn from them. In the end, whether or not someone cheats again is primarily determined by whether or not they’ve resolved the issue that caused them to wander in the first place.
Everything You Need to Know About Cheating in a Relationship (Related)
Experts explain when and why a cheater is more likely to cheat again in the future in the sections below.
Is “Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater” Really True?
Yes and no is the short answer.
Many people have a tendency to fall into patterns in their love life, whether it’s dating the same “type” again and over or becoming locked in the same relationship dynamics. These tendencies can be difficult to break, according to Christina Steinorth-Powell, a licensed psychologist and author of Cue Cards for Men: A Man’s Guide to Love and Life.
People are more likely to change their habits if they participate in therapy, according to Dr. Brenda Wade, a psychologist, relationship expert, and founder of the Modern Love and Relationship Training Programs. Working with a skilled professional can assist the individual in determining what motivated them to cheat in the first place, allowing them to address those issues head-on and prevent reverting to old behaviors in the future.
What factors might increase someone’s chances of cheating again?
According to Silverstein, people who abandon their committed relationships are frequently conflict-averse. They may also lack self-awareness and struggle to accept responsibility for their actions, making them perpetual victims. These people frequently have narcissistic personalities or other narcissistic personality traits, such as a sense of entitlement and a lack of empathy.
Jheri Walters, a licensed clinical social therapist, says that people who didn’t have a strong role model for a monogamous relationship as a child may struggle to stay faithful as adults. The same can be said for those who have experienced trauma in the past, which may have harmed their ability to build healthy, close relationships.
Low self-esteem and sexual boredom with their present partner are two more variables that, according to OhMy.ca dating specialist and relationship therapist Mike Anderson, PhD, may make someone more likely to betray again.
Communication styles must also be taken into account. Anderson points out that if one spouse withholds information or becomes defensive when confronted with a difficult situation, they are more likely to cheat again.
Above all, experts agree that being dissatisfied in a relationship is the most significant risk factor. If a person’s physical or mental requirements aren’t being met in their current relationship, Steinorth-Powell claims that they’re significantly more likely to cheat to satisfy those demands with someone else.
Having trouble trusting a partner who has cheated in the past? Here’s What You Should Do
Knowing that your partner has been unfaithful in the past, even if it occurred in a previous relationship, can cause trust problems that are tough to overcome.
Knowing that your partner has been unfaithful in the past, even if it occurred in a previous relationship, can cause trust problems that are tough to overcome.
Wade suggests that they talk about what they’re doing to avoid this happening again. Is it possible that they’ve figured out why they cheated? What have they done to address whatever issue was at the foundation of the problem?
“Ask them why they cheated and what they learned as a result,” Anderson advises. “Trust can be built between you if they are upfront and honest with you. If your partner, on the other hand, refuses to discuss the problem, it could be an indication that they are still concealing something.”
