Professional Flirting Advice Is there anything better than a nice flirt?
Just you and another individual conversing in a way that hints at your attraction without explicitly declaring your feelings for each other? When things are going well, the tightrope dance of tension may be a lot of fun, but it can also be excruciatingly painful when things go wrong.
Some people, on the other hand, appear to have it all figured out when it comes to flirting. They can slip into a conversation with virtually anyone and get their flirt on in a way that will leave you wondering how they’re doing it, whether they’re naturally charming or simply have years of experience that others don’t.
A dating guru is the closest thing to a professional flirt. They’ve seen and heard it all, and they’re committed enough to turning that spark of connection into a profession.
AskMen asked three dating experts about their basic flirting dos and don’ts to find out how. Continue reading to learn what they had to say.
What Exactly Is Flirting?
Connell Barrett, founder of DatingTransformation.com and author of Dating Sucks but You Don’t, defines flirting as “playfully, delightfully transmitting your romantic interest in someone in a PG-rated manner, not in a vulgar, explicit manner.” “It has a childlike quality to it.” You can flirt using your words, gaze, body language, physical touch, or vocal intonation, among other things.”
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Flirting, according to Stephen Quaderer, inventor of the app Headero, is “how we communicate our sexual and romantic desire.”
“It’s a cross between a language, a dance, and a tease,” she says “‘AskMen,’ he says. “Flirting, like desire, can be simple and clear or extremely deep and intricate. Whether it’s sensory or mental, there’s a difference. If you want to be subtle, go for it. If you want to be blatant, go for it It can be instantaneous or it can take a long time. Flirting can be any or all of these things at the same time, depending on the atmosphere.”
Be Brave Enough to Go First Basic Flirting Dos and Don’ts
In romantic circumstances, men are frequently expected to take the lead. While this isn’t the only method to go about it, why wait if you know you’re attracted to someone?
“Don’t wait for the other person to get going,” Barrett advises. “It may appear frightening, but someone must flirt first.” If you place some flirting cards on the table, you’re allowing your crush to do the same. And that’s when the sparks ignite between two people who are flirting.”
Flirt Only in Flirty Situations
However, not every setting lends itself to flirting. That is to say, you shouldn’t just get into a flirty mood and overlook the context. If you’re attracted to someone who works in a restaurant or a coffee shop, they usually don’t have time to respond to your flirting, and they may feel obligated to be nicer to you than they want to avoid upsetting their boss.
RELATED: Why I Hate Picking Up Women in PublicQuaderer urges you to “use some situational awareness before flirting” because of this.
“What works in one instance might not work in another,” he explains. “The more personal the event, the more nuanced the approach,” says the author.
Make it clear that you are interested.
The implicit quality of flirting is part of the appeal. “I like you, how about a date?” you might offer. That’s no longer flirting. It has to be a little mysterious if you like the individual for it to be flirting. But, in the end, too much mystery will work against you.
“You want your crush to understand that you’re flirting with them and not just being friendly,” Barrett adds. “It won’t work if they don’t realize you’re flirting with them.” It’s the difference between saying, ‘I can’t stop thinking about you,’ and ‘I was just thinking about you,’ for example. The former expresses clear romantic interest, but the latter may be said to a friend or coworker.”
Boundaries Must Not Be Ignored
“Make sure you’re watching for signs that the person you’re flirting with is interested (and, more importantly, that they consent to flirting with you),” advises Quaderer. “Be gracious, nice, and move on if you’re not picking up on that (or if they’re sending a signal that they’re not interested)!”
“If you’re rejected, don’t keep texting them,” says Laurel House, an eharmony dating consultant. “It’s fine if not everyone is seeking for the same thing as you. Don’t chastise them, even if they call you derogatory names.”
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Good old-fashioned teasing is one of the most powerful types of seduction.
“Using a well-timed (and good-natured!) tease to create tension can boost your flirt game,” adds Quaderer. “This adds a little interest, and if done correctly, it will entice the flirtee to reciprocate, which is exactly what you want!”
“Light, playful teasing can boost romantic attraction,” Barrett says.
“Imagine a smitten schoolboy pulling the pigtails of the girl he likes,” he says.
Make Sure Your Teasing Isn’t Harmful
Many guys have heard the pick-up artist advise that slightly criticizing the person you’re hoping to sleep with would get you a connection. It’s a strategy known as “negging,” and it’s… well, insulting, to say the least, on top of being lousy advise. Barrett advises against straying too far into negative or unpleasant terrain with your teasing.
“Avoid potential sore places like their weight, appearance, attire, or pets,” he advises. “That’s going to backfire.” I once made a joke about a date’s dog, comparing it to a rat.
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Send Texts on a Regular Basis
Many males believe that being cool and mysterious will increase their attractiveness, so they resist their desire to message a crush and instead wait. While your communications have the potential to overwhelm someone, your silence has the potential to offend or turn them off. House believes that if you’re sincerely interested, you should show it.
“Send a text to let them know you’re thinking about them, even if you’re having a great time without them,” she recommends, rather than making their brains racing. “With the moment-by-moment play-by-play, you don’t need to text.” But if they come up in your mind, reach out.”
When flirting, don’t just use words.
Flirting is frequently misinterpreted as dialogue, which isn’t necessarily incorrect, but it only reveals part of the tale.
“Nonverbals have a lot of power,” Barrett explains. “You can flirt with a sensual, breathy voice, a cheeky smile, a teasing touch on the arm, or deep, uninterrupted eye contact.”
You can even send photos if you’re flirting online. “Take a cute picture and say something sweet,” says the author “House recommends. “Alternatively, send a photo of one of their favorite things.”
When you’re apart, videos or voice notes might help a lot. That’s Advice on How to Flirt the Right Way
